Like Water Over a Rock
“The greats aren’t great because they could paint. The greats are great because they paint a lot.” -Macklemore
This past week we have been celebrating Jackson’s 8th grade graduation from middle school. As a parent and educator, we are often wondering if the kids really listen to us or take in any of the advice or foundational concepts we think we are teaching. Sometimes our kids make fun of us because we talk so much about the importance of a growth mindset or highlight what DBT STEPS-A skills we see them using or they could be using.
It’s embedded in our language, life, and hearts.
This week to my utter delight and surprise, I received a clue to let me know that, yes, they are listening. As I was perusing through the yearbook, I read each 8th graders’ entries about their favorite hot lunches (mostly tacos and taquitos), their favorite memories from school, dream jobs, and their Covid Made Me…. responses.
When I read Jackson’s responses, I smiled and took a sigh of relief. Here is what he had to say:
Favorite Lunch- Tacos (a boy after my own heart! Every day should be Taco Tuesday!!!)
Favorite Memory- When I was able to see my friends in person (He hears me when I talk about the importance of building and maintain relationships -GIVE skills)
Dream Job- Mechanical or Software Engineer
Covid Made Me…- Build a stronger relationship with my family (He and his 2 siblings became friends over the last 15 months in a way that will bond them forever beyond just being siblings).
And then there was his chosen quote from Macklemore-
“The greats aren’t great because they could paint. The greats are great because they paint a lot.” -Macklemore
That was the moment! Oh my heart!
My quiet, music loving, video game loving, book reading teenager chose a quote that represents a growth mindset at its core. That means he has been listening to this mama, who talks about growth mindset on the daily, who has growth mindset quotes plastered around the house, who encourages dialectical thinking and the power of YET and AND all the time.
During training, people will often tell us that they tell their students or kids what to do and they don’t do it. That they have taught them skills and strategies and they don’t use them. Most often, my initial response is, “Remember, change happens like water over a rock.” Change doesn’t’ happen for almost any of us by just hearing or learning something once. We often have to hear it repeatedly, we have to let it sink in over time and have multiple examples that resonate with your student and kids. Don’t lose hope; the kids hear us. They are taking it in. We must continue to let the water flow over them again and again as change is slow and persistent. Cover your classroom, school hallways, and home with skillful language and encouragement. Highlight when they engage in effective behavior and name the skill they are using. Every time we mindfully bring our attention to our effective thoughts, behaviors, and skills, we deepen our learning just a little bit more.